pavel, fading.

today i logged into face­book to find an unex­pected reminder of my col­lege friend pavel’s death from a heroin over­dose 5 years ago today. it is crazy how often i still think of pav but i also know that i have con­di­tioned myself to remem­ber him when­ever i hear lou reed. since i used to wake up to ‘pale blue eyes’ every day, it wasn’t a huge leap to keep him in my consciousness.

this is prob­a­bly the first april 19th in 5 years that i haven’t thought about him on my own. it is scary when mem­o­ries begin to fade, scarier still when you think of how the mem­o­ries that haven’t faded are the ones you have rehearsed. bowl­ing. nap­ster. go board. bowtie. red shirt. bor­rowed chair. radio show. messy room. hunter s. thompson.

i really wish i still had the mem­o­ries that fill the holes between those words.

Posted: April 19th, 2010
Categories: words to rest in
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